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01:47pm 24/09/2005
mood: Nothing
Things in my life have changed and it's time for me to start a new journal. If you are interested the new journal is drowninginblack. Bye!
06:07am 12/09/2005
mood: sore
Oh yeah. I forgot. I got my nipples both pierced now. It hurts.
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06:01am 12/09/2005
mood: high
What a fuckin partay. I'm still faded as hell and yet to sleep but man it was fuckin kickin. I don't even know what to say. Everyone was fuckin havin a great time. Andy's 18th will be one to remember for sure. I gotta have another party soon. These people are out of control. There was so much ass it was rediculous. Wow. that was fun. My place is a mess again but who fuckin cares.

That's all I got.
02:02pm 10/09/2005
mood: relaxed
Eh, I've been working alot. Usually 6 days a week. But it's ok because I actually like my job. I've been making some good money at work, on average I make about $15 an hour right now including tips. Plus I have gotten many customer compliments, and I'm also a trainer now. I was certified as a trainer which means I'll help train any of the new people that come to serve there. Plus, when i turn 21 I will be eligible to travel across the country and train people for new store openings which would be awesome! I'm thinking of possibly just going to MATC for hotel and resturaunt management because I really like my job now.

I went to the Disturbed and the CKY concerts which totally kicked ass. I want to go see Taproot but they are playing with crappy Chevelle and I don't want to see them again so I don't know if I'm gonna spend money on those tix.

I've been hanging out with a bunch of different people from work which is cool. I like having new friends. I'm having a party here on Sunday actually for Andy's 18th Bday. It's gonna be so crowded and so much fun. I know a whole bunch of people are coming. Two nights ago we had a little shindig at Shakes' apartment. There was only about 10 of us but it was good times. We all got fucked up, played some PS2, watched Half Baked, and fell asleep there.

Well I gotta smoke a bowl, start cleaning for the party, and get ready for work. Peace
Mucho Updato   
02:15pm 20/07/2005
mood: good
Well looking back I realised it's been forever since I posted any real news about my life. I actually worked at UPS for about a month and a half before quitting there and now I got my new job, serving at Carrabba's Italian rill, the new place on 76th st. I've been doing training this week and it sounds like it's going to be tough, but I think I'm going to enjoy it. Today we are tasting all the foods and wines we serve. Exciting stuff! Be sure to come in, ask for me, eat, and leave a huge tip!

I had 05 Dodge Neon SXT for about a month and a half when it was totaled by some idiot hit and run driver. He ran a stop sign and smashed the shit out of my brand new car. At least it wasn't any worse, about 3 more feet into the intersection and I probly would be dead. I have had my new car, an 04 Chrysler Sebring for over a month now. I'm liking it, the gas milage isn't great tho. But I like the look and color.

The apartment is still kicking ass. I'm partying with a bunch of people here Saturday so that should be a good time. It's a housewarming, day after Justin's Birthday, and second annual end of july party. That's plenty of reasons to celebrate and get fucked up.

Not too much else. I went to the Static-X concert last night. I got there just as they started playing cause I had training for work and didn't get to leave that till after 9PM. It fuckin rocked. My throat is sore and my neck hurts, but who cares? They played all the good shit, the only song they really should have played was "Wisconsin Death Trip" but I'm sure they'll be back again.

That's it. Hopefully it won't be months before I write again.
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Kinda Fun   
11:01pm 15/07/2005
mood: awake
It's like a little questionaire thing, but with pictures which makes it 100,000,000 times better.

Pictures make it funCollapse )
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Shitty 4th   
07:37pm 04/07/2005
mood: crappy
I'm just not in the mood for fourth of July activities this evening. There are so many reasons. One is Nicole. I spent the last several days with her and had a great time. It just makes me even sadder that I am not with her. I said "I love you" to her many times and never got a response. That hurts. The other big reason is all the people I'll see there that I know. I feel like such a loser. I haven't done shit with my life when there are kids younger than me who have already done better in school and everything than I did. I hate when people ask me what I've been doing lately. No school, No girlfriend, and I deliver papers like an idiot. I don't feel like telling a bunch of people that. I'd rather sit alone and not be embarressed.
05:49pm 28/02/2005
mood: tired
Its too damn hard to write in here. I'm too busy, or tired. Next week I'm leaving the Oak Creek Menards for 3 weeks. I'm doing store set-up at the new one in Milwaukee. Where Northridge was. 54 hours a week. Those are gonna be some fatty checks, I'm gonna be soo tired tho. Especially since I'm doing Don's route for a few days during that too cause hes goin on vacation. No sleep for Lee. I'll be working from 2 AM to about 7 PM everyday.

In other news - I broke up with Gabrielle Saturday night. I don't really feel like going into all the details, lets just say she's not the kind of girl I thought she was. Oh well, it gives me more time to spend with other friends, or sleeping.

I went to the Dimebag Darrell Benefit concert in Chicago. It was un-fucking-believable. Soil was great, Drowning Pool was good, I moshed during "Bodies" of course, Anthrax sucked, oh well, can't win em all, and Disturbed fuckin rocked.

Got my profit sharing check from menards. Its not huge, but I'm not gonna say no to a $200 bonus.

I have tomorrow off. yay. Spending the day with Nicole, so that should be fun. I'm tired. I've been up since 2AM and only got 3 hrs sleep. I'm gonna try to crash.
11:06pm 12/02/2005
mood: jubilant
Its been a long time since I posted. I guess that's what happens when you have two jobs. That's right. I started another job, third shift. I start there at 2AM, then usually go right to Menards. I deliver papers which sounds kinda retarted but I actually like it, except for waking up at 1AM seven days a week. So most days I work about 15 hours a day. Fun. So, needless to say, I don't get to see friends as much cause I do need a little sleep. I've been getting about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. Except today I crashed during the day. Which sucks cause I had plans. I was cleaning up the place a bit and sat on the couch for a minute. Big mistake. That was at 3, next thing I know it's 10. I had even set the alarm on my cell phone for 5PM just in case. It didn't wake me. When Amanda called at 7 asking if I still wanted to hang out it didn't wake me. Oh well. Valentines day on monday. I work till 9:30 at menards. Oh well, not like its a real holiday anyways. Splinter is getting bigger. He is awesome. I feel guilty tho cause I don't take him out as much as I should cause I'm too tired. I'm lookin forward to summer cause I'm hoping we get some cool people at Menards. Hopefully James will be back. I'm sure Justin won't, he's actually doing something with his life, but I can still hope. Well, I better rest up cause I'll be working from 2AM to 4:30 PM tomorrow.
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10:04pm 22/01/2005
mood: crappy
God dammit - my mind continues to fuck me over. I dont know what the fuck I want. I keep causing problems between me and Nicole and I don't want to. I don't want her to hurt but it happens anyways. I dont know what my fuckin problem is. the last 2 days i saw her were great. most of the time. i had a lot of fun both days. but we ended up fighting. correction: I ended up starting a fight. I say the wrong things. Most of the time it just comes out wrong cause i'm an idiot and then she doesnt listen to me or believe me when i try to tell her what i really meant. The other thing that always starts fights is when she thinks she knows what i want. Like tonight on the phone, she said she didn't want to see me tonight, but maybe tomorrow. I said I didn't know. So she says, "forget it you obviously have other plans." No, I don't have other plans, I just don't fucking know - thats why i said I dont know - if I had other plans that's what I would fucking say. I know that I have been dishonest with her in the past. But I'm done with that. I have not said a single thing to her that wasn't true in a long fuckin time. I don't know what it would take to get her to believe me again.

So anyways, I was pretty depressed about everything yesterday. I went to Carl's for another party and got totally fuckin wasted. It was great. I love feeling like that, feeling like there is nothing wrong in my world. So, driving home this fuckin idiot hits my car. I didn't stop cause if we had to file an accident report i woulda been fucked cause i was still drunk. So today I look at the damage, and the side is pretty dented. I'm pissed about that shit. But, I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic now. As I type I'm drinking alone. THis is the first I've drank alone in a very long time. But I'm drinking by myself to forget the pain. Once Again, I am on a path to self destruction.

"Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed, Take back all the things that I said to make you feel like this"

I hate me
I love you
I wish I could be the man I should be
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11:23pm 15/01/2005
mood: confused
I spent time with Nicole the last two days. I swore to myself I didn't ever want to see her again - but obviously I was lying to myself. When I went to get my stuff I realized how much I missed her. It was really good to see her again after really not even talking to her for a month. We just watched some movies and relaxed mostly. Well, there was a little more going on yesterday which was amazing - but I think she regretted it. I woulda liked to see her more last night but she couldnt cause of her work schedule which I understand.

So, I ended up going to a party last night. It was at Carl's house again. It was pretty fun. I got so incredibly fucked up tho. I'm glad I didn't drive. I went to bed around 6:00 this morning and my idiot brother called me at 10. I worked at noon and was still kinda drunk/hungover for awhile. But oh well, it was fun.

Gabrielle wanted to come over tonight but I said I had plans. I don't think she was too happy about that. But, Fuck that, I have other friends in my life too. Oh well.

Man, I don't know what is going on. I am so conflicted right now. I loved seeing Nicole these last 2 days, but at the same time part of me still feels like a piece of shit when I am with her because of whats goin on. I'm confused. I actually talked to Don at work a little bit today which was also awkward. I kinda miss having him as a friend too, but theres plenty of people there I can talk to. I'm friends with Nate and Jeff and Mehta and they've all been over here chillin before too so I really don't think I want him back in my life. I don't know. Things are just kinda fucked up right now. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out what the hell I want.
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10:15am 14/01/2005
mood: bored
Ahhhh - a day off. I probly won't really do anything. Clean the apartment, go to the bank, maybe buy some groceries. I'll try calling Mehta or Chris or Nate but chances are they will be busy so I'll just chill here alone tonight. Play some PS2 and with splinter I guess. Gabrielle has to go to her sisters and do some other shit during the day. Oh well. Last night we rented I Robot and Christina and Patrick were supposed to come over to watch but never did cause Patrick was busy doin something for his dad. The night before Gabrielle and I went to Chicago with Ashley and Scott and Ryan. It was pretty fun. We went to the Bulls vs. 76ers game. Got to see Iverson play. He is a short guy but he is good. You shoulda heard how bad he got booed. Bulls killed the 6ers like 107 to 70 or something like that. Driving there was fun. Traffic jam all the way there, and raining so hard i couldn't see all the way back. Oh well, still fun.

"Fuck you because I loved you, Fuck you for loving it too, I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do"
03:59pm 11/01/2005
mood: calm
God I hate Menards. This whole weekend I was working on this Plan-O-Gram that the fag manager wanted me to do. It was a pain in the ass. Then I find out the the yard manager who had off that weekend didn't even want it done so I wasted all that time for nothing. Pinche Menards. I went to a party on saturday night. That was fun. Had some beers and met some new peeps and had a good ol time. I wanted to buy tix to the Concert in Chicago. Its a benefit for Dimebag Darrell, from Pantera who died. Disturbed, Drowning Pool, and Soil are all playing. But they were already fuckin sold out when I went to get them. Dammit. Last night Gabrielle and Christina and Patrick came over. We watched White Chicks, Napolean Dynamite, and Road Trip. Lots of movies. But it was pretty fun. Today I got a new Splinter cause the first one died cause he was sick, went to the bank, went to the library to get tax forms but they dont have them yet, and to the police department to get the accident report for my mom. I'm going to Dave and Sue's with Gabrielle for dinner. And I have to help put xmas decorations in the attic and basement cause my dad has a hernia. fun. Oh well, Spaghetti should be good. Adios.
11:05pm 07/01/2005
mood: loved
Today was pretty interesting. My mom woke me with a call at 10 cause we were going to AAA to sign me up and look at insurance shit and all that. On the way there we got backed into by a snowplow. I got out and yelled at the guy "you backed right into us you fucking idiot! didn't you hear her laying on the fuckin horn?" It was great. So we had to sit there for an hour waiting for the cops and the sheriff. Fun. Then we went to AAA and I signed up and got my insurance quote and shit. My car would only be about 115 a month which isn't too bad I guess. Renters insurance is only gonna be like $10 a month so thats nothing. Then I came home and took a nap. I love my days off. Then I called Chris but he had auxillary tonight. Then I called Nate at work but he ended up actually having to stay till close. I ended up going to Christina's house with Gabrielle and watching a movie. So it wasn't too exciting of a day off, but not bad I guess. She's coming tomorrow morning to make me breakfast before I work. That's pretty awesome.

On wed she was over and Nate and Amanda stopped by for a bit. I was already a little under the influence and we all got more fucked up which is fun. It was kinda awkward because Amanda is hot and we both want each other but havent done anything yet. Anyways Gabrielle slept over and I had to work at 6:30 so I was pretty tired. But then when I was done we went to her house and I met her mom. I had already met her dad before. She was pretty nice, but strict. Gabrielle was getting yelled at because her shirt didn't meet her skirt and you could see her midriff. I was just thinking "I've seen much more than that" lol. Her family is really religious which is completely opposite of me but that's alright. As long as they don't know what we do it'll be cool. I guess her mom and dad both like me tho which is good. And one of her younger sisters has a crush on me too which is funny.

In other news I got my new shoes. Black Adidas. They are awesome, but I don't want to wear them too much now cause of the snow and salt and stuff so I have to wait till its nicer out. Got my first phone bill. $53, which is pretty high since the cell isn't on there yet, but its cause its for 2 months. That's about it. I gotta get to bed so I make sure I'm awake by 10.
08:06am 05/01/2005
mood: chipper
Yesterday was a good off day. I slept in nice and late. Then I went to my moms. We went to JC Penny and Kohls cause i was lookin for a bathroom rug and blinds for the living room. I ended up getting the blinds at Menards. lol. THen I came home and put them up which was pretty tough by myself. But the Gabrielle came over and so did Charity, Ashley, and Christina. I felt like a pimp with all the chicks here. lol. We ended up goin to Denny's. Moons over my hammy - its so tasty. Well I'm off to work which sucks, but I'm lookin forward to tonight cause Gabrielle is comin over alone tonight.
12:38am 04/01/2005
mood: tired
Yay, I have off tomorrow which is great. I love days off. I got a new nickname at work. I was called "The Rebel" now Jeff has been calling me "VK" lol. Its top secret. I have a rat now. Splinter is awesome. He is awesome. His cage is huge - I think I went a little overboard but who cares. I was so tired today cause I was up quite late last night, but it was worth it. I need some sleep tho. zzzzz
11:11pm 01/01/2005
mood: cheerful
What a great new years. I don't know what else to say. Thursday night Mehta came over for a bit and then Nate and Amanda came over. We got Amanda completely naked playin strip poker. We all got fucked up and it was great. Nate gave me vodka as a housewarming gift which was really nice of him. We did some shots of Jack Daniells and all got nice and toasted. Then Friday Gabrielle got back home. We went to my parents for dinner and it was actually not bad at all. She likes the 'rents and they really like her so thats cool. Then we went to Christina's house to party for awhile. We left there and came back here and had a very good night just the two of us. It was awesome. We got drunk as fuck and after sobering up we had some fun. Unfortunatly I had to work today at 10 so I didn't really get any sleep. She left at 9:30 when I had to go to work. Tonight Chris came over. It was aweomse. I haven't seen him in forever, since my party at my parents house. It was really good to see him again. Tomorrow after work Gabrielle is comin over. Then I gotta get Chris again and Nate will probly come too. Another night of partyin lol. Better make sure I have ice made for the rum and cokes and vodka and mountain dew or juice or whatever. I'm all out of beer tho. Bummer. If we get Amanda and Gabrielle here we can get some more strip poker or strip foosball goin. That'll be fun. Goddammit I gotta work at fuckin 7 so I'm goin to bed. Peaz Nigga.
Waiting for New Years   
06:36pm 28/12/2004
mood: satisfied
Gabrielle is in Florida. I'm bummed and jealous. She's visiting her sister and isn't getting back till Friday. I haven't seen her since Thursday either. I miss her. Oh well, Friday will come quick I hope. I missed work Sun cause I was sick so I had to make it up today. Nate came over the last two nights. Sunday we played some THUG2 and yesterday he stopped by just for a little while with a couple chicks. They wanted me to come with but I was too tired from the being sick thing. Xmas was aight - not too exciting. I got some good clothes for work and shit but nothing overally entertaining. I bought THUG2 and San Andreas tho and they are pretty tight I'll tell you what. I still don't really have plans for New Year's but I have several options. We'll just see when that day comes. It sucks cause I gotta work at 10 on new years day but everyone there will be drunk and hungover so big deal. I just won't drive the fork lol. Aight, time to go eat.
09:19pm 22/12/2004
mood: happy
What a good week I've had. Menard's sucks because its so fuckin cold out and there's nothing to do all day. I spend my time talking to Chris, Nathan, or Jeff and wasting time until its time to leave. But the evenings have been wonderful. Thursday last week Nathan and his ex Jessica came over and I called Gabrielle and got to meet her. She had to leave around 1 but Nate stayed till about 4 and we gaver on the PS2. Then Fri I had Gabrielle over. We just chilled and played some foosball, then a friend of hers, Ashley, came over for awhile too. Ashley is pretty cool too. Saturday wasn't all that great - I just relaxed and played some games and cleaned the apartment. Sunday I saw Gabrielle again. It was fun. Then on Monday Chris came over after I got home. Then Nathan and his friend Amanda came over too. Amanda is a hottie too - I think I'm gonna get me some of that. We got shit-faced, played some games, watched some TV and had a good ol time. Then yesterday I had Gabrielle here again. I gave her part of the xmas gift I got for her. She was so happy, it was awesome. Her friend Christina came for a couple hours. When she left it was a great night. Lets just leave it at that. Tonite is another boring one but I get to see her again tomorrow and give her the rest of her xmas gift. I think she has a little something planned for me too ;-) But for Christmas she is going to her sisters in Florida and I won't see her again till New Year's Eve which kinda sucks. Man, I hate workin in the fuckin cold - my toes hurt so bad. I got a free red-bull today tho from a couple of girls which was cool. It warmed me up a little bit. That's about it I guess - besides fuckin Menards this has been the best week I've had in forever. Things are finally starting to go my way.
09:47pm 29/11/2004
mood: crappy
Moving out tomorrow

I'm feeling a mixture of excitement and dread. I'm glad that I am finally going to be out on my own and completely in charge of my whole life. But its gonna be a shitty day too. I'm going to have to move alone. That is a lot of fuckin work. I'm probly going to get a hernia carrying my foosball table and my entertainment center and new tv upstairs alone. I'm going to be exhausted. And then what do I have to look forward to? not a god damn thing. sitting alone, sleep, working alone, going home, sitting alone, sleep etc. what a great life.
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